I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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