i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
