News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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