I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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