Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
