i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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