I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
