I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have aggressive nipples.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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