I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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