I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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