please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
