I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
