my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
