He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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