Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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