Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
