After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
