I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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