My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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