Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
