You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
