I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
