saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
