this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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