we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
