i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
