I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
