fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
