Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
