I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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