Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
