Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
