Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
smell my finger.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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