in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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