$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
