Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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