I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's blow job season.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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