he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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