ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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