I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
