His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
