just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
