I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
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I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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