I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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