So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
