No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
