____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
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you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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