I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
40s are totally the cure
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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