Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
