He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
