Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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