toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
