Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How naked do you want me to be?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
