You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
