Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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