God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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