Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
