I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
