a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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