When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
