Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.