one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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