Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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