Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.