Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
