I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The adults are the big ones right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
