Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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