I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
