I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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