the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
