he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
