but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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