Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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