I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
