update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
