his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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