my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
