We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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