How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
