Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have fence marks all over my body
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
