Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
