Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize